Accentuate the Positive

If you think about the last time you didn’t like a movie, a meal, or something someone said, I bet you’ll recall it was fairly easy to identify what it was about it you didn’t like. It’s usually easy to pick out and even criticize what we don’t like about something or someone. And while it’s useful to identify why things don’t work so you can learn from them and/or avoid them in the future, getting caught up in criticizing can lead to a lot of negativity. I know there’ve been times when I’ve started to criticize in order to vent, only to find myself quickly in the midst of a Gripe Fest, with me ending up feeling more frustrated than relieved.

It’s easy to criticize. That’s why “everyone’s a critic”. What isn’t easy is keeping things positive. It takes a lot more energy to emphasize the positive. But how much more enriching would our interactions be if we ditched criticizing for a bit and accentuated the positive? That’s what I’m challenging you to try today. Not forever. Just today. We’ll call it a little experiment. Here’s three tricks you can try in your conversations that will help keep the energy around them upbeat and positive.

1. Look on the bright side. Try talking about the good in a situation before you talk about the bad and emphasizing it more. Maybe you liked the color of the bride’s maid dresses even if you didn’t like the style, or you appreciated your boss consulting you even though he completely disregarded your input. There’s always something positive to mention if you look for it. And even if there’s relatively little good to concentrate on compared to the bad, focusing your comments on that good will make a difference in keeping the energy around the issue positive.

2. Try describing what you’d like to see happen ahead of time instead of what you’re disappointed didn’t happen afterwards. This requires forethought, and sometimes a lot of specificity. And this can be incredibly difficult if you often think it should be obvious what that would be. But sometimes it’s the best way to realize what you’d like to see happen.

For example, if you ask your teenager to take out the trash but don’t specify when, you could find the odor smelling up your home. Or if you ask a coworker do a particular part of a project but don’t specify the software program you need it in, she could present you with a spreadsheet when you needed a Power Point presentation. It may seem like some of these things are “common sense”, but no one lives in your head—describing what the positive outcome will be, especially ahead of time, can get everyone on the same page and give you a more positive outcome.

3. Amplify good feelings. When you concentrate on the good, the energy of it can continue to grow and get bigger. If you’re having trouble feeling that kind of positive energy, follow the advice of author Rhonda Byrne in her book, “The Secret: The Power”: start listing all the things, people and happenings you love or have loved. You’ll find that as the list grows, your good feelings do too, and the positive feelings amplify.

Try accentuating the positive today and see how it goes. I’d bet that you’ll find you not only feel more positive, those positive feelings spread to others too!

7 Easy Tips to Replenish Your Energy

You manage many aspects of your life–your health, workload, household, finances, etc.–but it’s sometimes easy to overlook managing your own personal energy. Life’s pressures can often be draining, but being proactive about managing your energy can help you have enough stamina to get through those pressures without getting exhausted. When your car’s gas tank gauge is on Empty, you don’t keep driving till it’s all gone–you pull over and fill the tank. So instead of pushing your personal energy further when your tank is on Empty, try one of these tips to refill and replenish easily. 

1. Try happy news. When your energy is low, reading the daily news can bring you down further with its somber stories. As an alternative, try visiting the HuffPost Good News, a collection of positive news stories from the Huffington Post. With sections like Everyday Heroes, Community Kindness and more, you’ll find news stories that touch your heart, replenish your energy and give you hope for humanity. 

2. Look at beautiful things. Seeing beauty isn’t just pleasing to the eye, it’s a lovely way to fill up your energetic bucket. Try going for a scenic drive, visiting an art museum or gazing at lovely photos on Pinterest. Or, Google “amazing photos” and see what turns up to cheer you up.

Looking at beautiful things, like photos of the Grand Teton Mountains in Wyoming, is an effective way to full your energy bucket.
Looking at beautiful things, like photos of the Grand Teton Mountains in Wyoming, is an effective way to fill your energy bucket.

3. Drink more water. When your energy is low, your body gets stressed. Drinking plenty of water helps every system of your body run well, naturally increasing your energy. Water is also a fantastic energy conductor, moving out any unwanted energy you may have picked up with each glass of water you drink.

4. Eat foods that enliven you. Just like drinking water helps energize your body and enlivens your energy, so does eating live, non-processed foods. You’ll receive vitamins and antioxidentswith every bite, energizing the body and helping clearing it of pollutants while oxygenating the blood. If your energy is low, try eating:

      *Fresh, certified organic fruits & veggies, herbs, legumes, nuts & seeds

      *Antioxident rich foods (berries, tomatoes, etc.), or

      *Raw foods found at natural food stores or raw restaurants in your area. 

Organic vegetables and other foods help revitalize your energy. Photo by
Organic vegetables and other foods help revitalize your energy. Photo by

5. Listen to happy music. We all have songs that, for whatever reason, make our toes tap and put a smile on our faces. Make a playlist on your MP3 player called “happy songs” and play them when you’re having a rough moment. (Here’s one of my happy songs, Paul Simon’s “You Can Call Me Al”, in case you want to borrow it.)

6. Watch funny programs. Laughing helps move energy through the body and lighten your mood. Try watching a funny movie, going to a comedy club, or checking out comedians on YouTube or Comedy Central such as Brian Regan or Jeff Dunham.

7. Engage in activities that make you happy. We all have things we do that make us happy, whether they are artistic pursuits, spending time with loved ones, volunteering, being in nature, etc. These activities make us come alive, replenishing our energy. Have a few in mind for those low-energy days.

Engaging in artistic or other activities that you enjoy is a wonderful way to replenish your energy when it's low. Photo by Kalamazoo Institute of Arts.
Engaging in artistic or other activities that you enjoy is a wonderful way to replenish your energy when it’s low. Photo by Kalamazoo Institute of Arts.

There’s no reason that filling your energy bucket should take away even more energy. Following these tips will fill your energy with ease.

2 Tips to Combat Energy Vampires

After you’ve recognizing an energy vampire, the next step is to learn how to deal with him/her. To ward off mythical vampires you need wooden stakes, holy water, and garlic, but to ward off energy vampires you need one thing: to stay centered.


Energy vampires operate by keeping you off kilter. When you’re off kilter, you can’t think clearly and the vampire is in control of the interaction. If If you stay centered, you’re able to think clearly about what your options are and exercise them, keeping you in control of the encounter.

Here’s two tricks to keep you centered and in control:

1. Breathe.

It may sound simplistic, but breathing can be a hugely helpful tool to center your energy. Deep breaths oxygenate the blood and help keep energy moving, so you’re able to think more clearly. If you know you’re going to encounter one of those energy suckers, make some time to take a few deep breaths. If you find yourself in the middle of an encounter, remember to take three deep breaths to center your energy. It helps more than you can imagine!

2. Plan Ahead.

It’s hard to combat an energy vampire when you’re not at your full strength. Take care of yourself by getting enough sleep and staying hydrated. That way you’ll have more energy to deal with them. And plan some escape routes ahead of time when you’ll be in meetings or family gatherings with an energy vampire. For example, if you know your Aunt Mildred is an energy vampire but you have to see her for Grandma’s birthday dinner, plan to limit the time you interact with her, and have several polite but workable excuses on hand to disengage from her. (If all else fails, disengage by excusing yourself to use the restroom. No one can argue with the need for a bio break.)

Staying centered will help you better stay alert and energetic for encounters with energy vampires. Try these two tricks to help you combat their influence to stay energetic and strong.

How to Recognize an Energy Vampire

When you think of the people in your life who lift you up, who immediately comes to mind? I’m guessing that whoever it is—whether it’s a friend, family member or coworker—you usually leave conversations and interactions with him or her feeling peaceful, energized or happy.

Unfortunately, interactions with others can sometimes have an opposite effect. And if you leave interactions feeling drained of your life force, it’s a good indication that you’ve just been in contact with an energy vampire.

I know it’s a dramatic archetype: the vampire. But it’s a very fitting one. Mythical movie vampires suck your blood, but energy vampires suck your energy. And since all of our interactions are energy exchanges, it’s important to prepare yourself so you’re able to protect your energy level and wellbeing.


Spotting a vampire in the movies is relatively easy because of their pale complexions and fanged teeth. But spotting an energy vampire on sight is less easy because they could be anyone, whether a stranger on the train or your favorite cousin. You’re more likely to recognize the effects of an encounter with an energy vampire before you recognize the vampire him or herself, which, according to Dr. Judith Orloff, are:

1. Your thinking becomes clouded, confused.

2. You feel like the rug was just pulled out from under you.

3. Your mood is suddenly really down.

4. You feel tired (zero energy, eyelids getting heavy, ready for a nap).

5. You feel put down, sniped at, or agitated.


Aside from feelings as indicators, you’ll learn to spot energy vampires because their interactions with you take on patterns that place them in common vampire types. Some of these include the criticizer (who finds fault with everything and offers unsolicited advice), the victim (who has a “poor me” attitude and complains often), the drama queen/king (who exaggerates small incidents into extreme crises and seems to thrive on chaos), and the blamer (who berates and accuses).

Look for these signs and patterns to start learning to identify the energy vampires in your life, which is the first step towards protecting yourself against their attacks. Look for more tips in a future post to help you stay energetic and healthy.

2 Tips to Help You Enjoy Each Moment


By nature, I’m a planner, list maker, and goal maker, so it’s not uncommon for me to be working on or thinking about more than one thing at a time. With my brain going in different directions, I often miss living in the present, let alone enjoying it. I’ve been working on improving this, and I’ve found that I’m a lot less stressed and much happier when I do. But it’s easy to slip back into multi-tasking mode. So how do you live in the moment when there are so many things demanding your time and attention? Here are two tips you can try today to not just live in the moment but enjoy it too.

1. Try doing just one thing at a time. Enjoying the moment means focusing on it, and that’s difficult to do when you’re doing more than one thing at a time. Try leaving the multitasking madness behind just for an afternoon or evening. Let go of the need to do a few things at once, and focus on each task individually. Relax and relish the moment simply by focusing on it. You’ll find yourself enjoying even the most mundane tasks more, and you’ll find that attention makes the end results all the better for your efforts. As Todd Henry says, “The greatest efforts in life are done with singular attention.”


2. Shut out thoughts about the future temporarily. Even if your body is only doing one task at a time, that doesn’t mean your mind is following suit. It’s pretty normal for our thoughts to wander. But to truly enjoy the now, your mind needs to be there as much as your body. How do you keep that mind on the now? According to Richard Moss, when we recognize we’re not in the present, concentrating on what we see, hear and experience in that precise moment will bring us back. This is also the way we can tame our egos and not let them take us out of the present into Worry Land. Once our brains are experiencing the moment, it’s much easier to enjoy it. Try it once or twice today when you catch your mind wandering or concentrating on worries. See if it helps you enjoy the moment more.

Follow Your Dreams – Go For It!

Marianne williamson quote

I love this quote, because I think it gets to the heart of why we sometimes don’t pursue our dreams. Whatever you’re dreaming of, it’s possible to make it happen. In fact, there’s really never been a better time to follow your dreams.

I know…in difficult economic times, following your dreams sounds like the opposite of what we should do. We get the idea that we should hunker down and wait for the storm to pass–just survive, really. But as counterintuitive as it seems, dreams are the best things to pursue in difficult times, because they have the power to end difficult times. Dreams can lift us from the difficult times and give us hope.

If you think about it, every Fortune 500 company began as someone’s dream. Someone dreaming of better times or a better life or someone tinkering in the garage or the kitchen. Then they took steps to make those dreams happen, it caught on, others joined in and then businesses were incorporated and before you know it, you have a huge companies like Proctor & GambleApple or Ford.

Even if you don’t want to build a Fortune 500 company, that’s ok. Maybe you want to sell handmade hair bows on Etsy or invent a greener air purifying technology or make people laugh doing stand-up comedy. Whatever your dream, by pursuing it you could make the world a better place.

We need creativity and innovation, now more than ever. And creativity and innovation start with dreams. You have the power inside of you. Don’t let your fear of that power get in the way. Embrace the light inside of you and in your dreams and make them come true. We don’t have to go down the beaten path—we can forge our own path to a new career, a new life, a new future. We can, as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, dare to live the life we’ve dreamed for ourselves. We can make our dreams come true. There’s never been a better time.

Silence Your Inner Critic

I confess that I’m very hard on myself. Whether it’s because I’m the oldest child or a Capricorn or any myriad of other things, it’s just a fact of me. And because of this, when I fail to meet my own (often ridiculously) high expectations, I sometimes say unkind things to myself. I use mean, rude, awful words that I’d never dream of saying to anyone else. And I don’t just say these things once, let it all go and walk away. I often repeat them, berating and punishing myself.

During one berating spree, I happened to catch the television drama, Parenthood, and a character said something I needed to hear: “Life will knock you down more times than you can possibly imagine. Don’t knock yourself down.”


Why is it that we are almost always harder on ourselves than we are on others? Why can’t we give ourselves the same compassion and understanding that we give others so freely? And why do we even listen to ourselves when we get like that? Author Natalie Goldberg said “We follow that voice inside us as if it were God. But it’s really just a thought.” It’s so true: those awful things we tell ourselves really are just thoughts. So how can we silence them? I don’t know all the answers, but here’s what I’ve been trying.

Realize you’re being critical. Sometimes these reactions are so automatic we don’t even know we’re doing it. Like breaking any bad habit, realizing you’re doing it is the first step.

Tell yourself it’s just a thought and tell yourself to stop it. Just because you’re saying it to yourself—and just because you’re buying it—doesn’t mean it’s true. When you realize it’s just a thought, it deflates the intensity and the power it has over you and it’s easier to tell yourself to stop. By the way, I recommend telling yourself these things aloud if doing it silently doesn’t work. You may feel a little crazy at first talking to yourself, but it brings a conscious awareness that’s sometimes more effective than saying it silently.

Imagine what you’d say to a friend and say it to yourself. When you change the words you say, you change the energy being directed at yourself. That inner critic cannot thrive in that more loving kind of energy. And I recommend doing this one out loud for effectiveness too if needed. The weird stares you may get are totally worth the effectiveness.

These are the steps I’ve been trying that are helping me silence my inner critic and grow on my spiritual and emotional journey. I hope these tips help you too.